Category Archives: City Life

Bye Bye Birdies

Example A: There's nothing strange about these two

A bunch of dazed and/or dead baby finches (that’s a bird) were found in Gramercy Park. There’s no explanation yet, but people are looking in the direction of Aldon James, known as “the bird man of Gramercy Park”.  Any time you’re known as any kind of “man”, you better be a superhero, otherwise, there’s a good chance you’re a weirdo.

Road Worriers

(Picture taken in the future)

New York City is closing in on L.A. for the title of most gridlocked city. The Cross-Bronx, and the stretch of L.I.E. running through Queens are considered two of the worst stretches in the country. I wish Japan would get off it’s ass and finish making those flying cars. Enough’s enough.

Pooper Troopers

Lower East Side residents are complaining about the piles of horse crap they have to wade through every day. The NYPD’s Mounted Unit was dispatched to the area in January to keep an eye on the nightlife. The cops say the poop’s biodegradable, so at least when LESers take a deep breath of shit in the morning, they know the earth is cool with it.

I bet you're tired of hay, aren't you Buttercup?

Juror Furor

These jurors need to shut up

Judges in the Bronx are worried that jurors are chatting it up about their cases too much. This could obviously lead to all sorts of problems. Quotes include, the defendant is “too cute to convict”. That’s exactly how I ducked my first three murders.

Smoked Out

Two Washington Heights men took a page out of Thurgood Jenkins’ book by handing out business cards for their drug dealing ring. As you can imagine, it took a whole lot to bust these guys. No word on whether or not they pissed off Samson Simpson in the process.

You muthafucka's ever heard of Craigslist?

Trash Machine

Deposit Only

Recent research shows that ATM’s may contain as much bacteria as a public toilet. I guess I’ll have to start eating fewer meals in those vestibules. They’re just so nice and warm

Bus-ted

A Bronx teen is suing a now former city bus driver for harassing her when she came up short on bus fare.  He apparently berated her for the entire ride, and then roughed her up when she got off the bus. Glad to hear a short-tempered bully was cruising the streets in a 10-ton steel battering-ram.

Veronica Vaughn could've prevented this whole thing